Weddings are highly emotional events, mostly for the right reasons, surrounded by your nearest and dearest. But saying 'I do' without someone who you always imagined being there can be incredibly tough.
If you have lost a family member or friend who are no longer able to celebrate with you on your wedding day, without making the event a somber one there are some truly beautiful ways you can include them; not only through specially thought-out details, but within your wedding stationery as well.
Are you traditional?
History implies that the wedding invitation is usually addressed from the brides parents as 'traditionally' they would be the ones paying for the wedding. However more recently it is becoming more common that the bride and groom, and both families all share in the costs depending on their own personal situations. And what if there are two grooms, or two brides, then what?
Losing a parent for anyone is one of the hardest things to experience, but throw an already emotional wedding into the mix and this has got to be one of the hardest and weightiest losses to feel.
However right at the start of your wedding journey you can include your loved ones in spirit even though they cant be there in person. Below I take you through various ways of wording your wedding invitations so as to honour lost loved ones.
How to word your Invitation
A simple way to include their memory whilst retaining tradition is to tweak the introductory wording on your invitation.
For a hetrosexual wedding typically the brides name comes first on an invitation.
For a same sex wedding, if one set of parents is hosting the event then their child's name should go first. Otherwise, you can either go alphabetically or in whichever order sounds right.
I have tried to show each option below.
Loss of the grooms parents, or singular parent
Option A. By including “late” by the deceased parent’s name, it’s clear this parent is no longer with us. Yet their memory and sense of tradition and family is still honoured on the invitation.
George & Jenny Jones are delighted to invite you to join them for the marriage of their daughter
{ Brides Name }
to
{ Grooms Name }
son of Michael & the late Hannah Michaels.
Option B. For two grooms, if one set of parents are hosting the wedding.
George & Jenny Jones are delighted to invite you to join them for the marriage of their son
{ Grooms Name }
to
{ Grooms Name }
son of Michael & the late Hannah Michaels.
Option C. For two grooms, if the couple are hosting the wedding.
{ Grooms Name }
son of the late George & Jenny Jones
and { Grooms name Name }
son of the late Michael & Hannah Michaels would be honoured to invite you to join them in celebration of their marriage.
Loss of the brides parents, or singular parent
Option A. For a heterosexual wedding by including “late” by the deceased parent’s name again, we honour their presence. In this case the surviving parent should be listed first.
Jenny Jones, alongside the memory of her late husband George,
is honoured to invite you to join the celebration
of the marriage of their daughter
{ Brides Name }
to
{ Grooms Name }
son of Michael & Hannah Michaels.
Option B. A same sex wedding when both sets of parents would be hosting.
Jenny Jones, alongside the memory of her late husband George,
parents of
{ Brides Name }
and Michael & Hannah Michaels
parents of
{ Brides Name }
are honoured to invite you to join them in celebration
of the marriage of their daughters.
Option C. If the couple are hosting the wedding.
{ Brides Name }
daughter of Jenny and the late George Jones,
and { Grooms Name }
son Michael & Hannah Michaels would be delighted to invite you to join them in celebration of their marriage.
Loss of both of the brides parents Now, this of course depends on how traditional the grooms parents and the couple are. There are various options below depending on your situation.
Option A.
If the grooms family are hosting the wedding but have been left a donation by the brides parents.
In loving memory, and on behalf of George & Jenny Jones,
Michael & Hannah Michaels would be honoured to invite you
to join them in celebration of the marriage of
{ Brides Name }
to their son
{ Grooms Name }
Option B.
If the grooms family are hosting the wedding alone.
Michael & Hannah Michaels would be honoured to invite you
to join them in celebration of the marriage of
{ Brides Name } daughter of the late Jenny & George Jones
to their son
{ Grooms Name }
Option C.
For two brides, if one set of parents are hosting the wedding.
Michael & Hannah Michaels would be honoured to invite you
to join them in celebration of the marriage of their daughter
{ Brides Name } to
{ Brides Name }
daughter of the late Jenny & George Jones.
Option D. For two brides, if the couple are hosting the wedding.
{ Brides Name }
daughter of the late George & Jenny Jones
and { Brides Name }
daughter of the late Michael & Hannah Michaels would be honoured to invite you to join them in celebration of their marriage.
Remarriage
Now, there are already multiple options above, but what if your parents have remarried. Firstly I will address a remarriage after a spouse passes away:
{ Brides parent } & { Step parent }
and in loving memory of { the deceased parent}
are honoured to invite you to join them for the marriage of
{ Brides Name }
to
{ Grooms Name }
son of Michael & Hannah Michaels.
If the divorced parents are both still alive and one or both have remarried then again, theres a way to word that;
{ Brides parent } & { Step parent }
and { Brides parent } & { Step parent }
are honoured to invite you to join them for the marriage of
{ Brides Name }
to
{ Grooms Name }
son of Michael & the late Hannah Michaels.
~
{ Brides parent } & { Brides parent } alongside { step parent } & { step parent }
are honoured to invite you to join them for the marriage of their daughter
{ Brides Name }
to
{ Grooms Name }
son of Michael & the late Hannah Michaels.
Other ways to honour a deceased parent or loved one at your wedding
Whether you choose to include your deceased parent or parents within your wedding invitation or not, there are many other ways you can acknowledge their role and memory in your life.
~ Design details Recently I created a bespoke pattern based on an Indonesian Batik. The grooms mother was very poorly and unfortunately passed before the wedding itself, but the fact this traditional pattern, reflecting her heritage was intertwined throughout their stationery meant her presence was felt from start to finish.
~ Table Names Twice I have created table names with references to loved ones. Once where the table numbers were written in Hokkien, a truly poignant memory of the groom counting to ten with his mother which they joked about regularly.
The second time the tables were named directly after lost loved ones. This was so incredibly thought provoking and made for an incredible emotive moment as guests walked into the reception.
~ Reserve a seat Save a seat within your wedding ceremony, probably just out of eyeline so as to not upset yourself unintentionally. Place a simple quote or note upon the seat so others know to leave it free.
~ Jewellery Wear a special piece which was owned by your loved one. This can also act as your something borrowed. Heirloom earrings, a watch, a tie clip, a locket, this can be one of the most poignant ways to include them in your entire day from the moment you put it on, to the memory in all your photos.
~ Light a candle Whether during your ceremony, or simply having a table dedicated to loved ones who are not present. You can include photographs of past generations alongside your more recent loss.
~ Mention them in the order of service Add a little note "in loving memory of" or "in memory of those who cannot be with us"
~ Raise a toast A simple raised glass is a poignant way to include the wider wedding guest-list in remembering your lost ones.
~ Quotes, Poems & Songs Whether included in a reflective place, within the order of service, or elsewhere within your stationery there are many poems and quotes to honour loved ones. Maybe they had a favourite saying or a favourite song you can include somewhere during your day.
~ Flowers It's likely you will have some sort of floral element to your day. There are various ways you can incorporate a lost one into your designs. A locket and photo on your bouquet. Include their favourite flowers.
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Disclaimer;
" The views and statements written in this blog are my own and mine alone. They are based on my 10 years experience in the wedding industry working on hundreds of weddings with a huge range of wedding budgets, from 12 guests to over 200. The comments will not be relevant to every wedding ever planned. If you require specific costs or have any questions regarding your own wedding stationery please either get in touch using my contact form"
Over and out lovely people... see you next time.
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